… that a lot of my frustrations and feelings of inadequacy about motherhood are:
- Partly due to just how busy I was before Gwen was born (thanks, mom, for helping me see this!)
- Partly due to an intense need to do things perfectly
Let’s explore these a little more deeply, eh?
The more moms I talk to, the more I realize that how frustrated I get with things is normal. That doesn’t make it right, and doesn’t make it easier, but at least I know I’m in good company!
I was busy. Busy busy busy. I was doing school and work. 24 – 36 hours of clinical per week, 3 hours of class per week, 25 – 30 hours of work per week. I didn’t have time to be bored because any time I had off was a luxury. Now, I don’t know how to not be go-go-go. It’s hard for me to not have plans and not be able to go and do. I’m learning, but apparently I’m an old dog!
I will never be a perfect mother. Repeat after me, ladies, “I will never be a perfect mother”. There is no such thing as a perfect mother, unlike perfect papers and perfect exams and perfect skill techniques. After 20+ years of demanding perfection of myself in everything, I’m having a hard time letting go and allowing myself to not be perfect. All I can do is my best. In a perfect world with a perfect baby, I could be a perfect mother. Thankfully, though, I don’t live in that world – because I wouldn’t be myself and I wouldn’t have Gwen … and the thought of not having her is not one I want to entertain! My baby is a unique individual with unique needs. She is beautiful, and I’m head-over-heels in love with her … even when I want to tear my hair out (not that it needs help in falling out … yay post-partum hair loss!). But I’ll never be a perfect mother … and I don’t have to be!