I’m beginning to understand …

… that a lot of my frustrations and feelings of inadequacy about motherhood are:

  1. Normal
  2. Partly due to just how busy I was before Gwen was born (thanks, mom, for helping me see this!)
  3. Partly due to an intense need to do things perfectly

Let’s explore these a little more deeply, eh?

1. Normal.

The more moms I talk to, the more I realize that how frustrated I get with things is normal. That doesn’t make it right, and doesn’t make it easier, but at least I know I’m in good company!

2. Busyness.

I was busy. Busy busy busy. I was doing school and work. 24 – 36 hours of clinical per week, 3 hours of class per week, 25 – 30 hours of work per week. I didn’t have time to be bored because any time I had off was a luxury. Now, I don’t know how to not be go-go-go. It’s hard for me to not have plans and not be able to go and do. I’m learning, but apparently I’m an old dog!

3. Perfection.

I will never be a perfect mother. Repeat after me, ladies, “I will never be a perfect mother”. There is no such thing as a perfect mother, unlike perfect papers and perfect exams and perfect skill techniques. After 20+ years of demanding perfection of myself in everything, I’m having a hard time letting go and allowing myself to not be perfect. All I can do is my best. In a perfect world with a perfect baby, I could be a perfect mother. Thankfully, though, I don’t live in that world – because I wouldn’t be myself and I wouldn’t have Gwen … and the thought of not having her is not one I want to entertain! My baby is a unique individual with unique needs. She is beautiful, and I’m head-over-heels in love with her … even when I want to tear my hair out (not that it needs help in falling out … yay post-partum hair loss!).  But I’ll never be a perfect mother … and I don’t have to be!

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “I’m beginning to understand …

  1. Jen

    Well said! I can totally relate!

    And boo for hair loss. Except mine’s not lost. I know exactly where it is…right on the floor, in the shower drain and on my furniture…

  2. kimschell

    My pillow looks like a small animal …

  3. Sarah

    :D….glad you got an “epiphany” about motherhood…that’s pretty cool!!!

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